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A couple of years back we were having a drink at the mamak stall when I suddenly felt my ass was kinda itchy. I thought some fucking ant or something had bitten my ass. I started scratching my ass then continued my conversation with my friends. My ass still hurt so I tried wriggling my ass against the chair.

By the time it was time to leave my ass felt like it was on fire. When I stood up I saw a whole damn chili was smashed up on the chair. This was no ordinary chili, it was a crossbred cheap ass fire chili with king killer chili or something. This type of chili is fucking huge like the normal chili but its fucking spicy. I was wearing jeans and my ass was burning. As I stood up air got into my pants and I felt the burn. I tried walking a bit but the fucking pain was un-bearable.

I ran into the toilet to wash my ass. By now the fucking burning sensation reached my nut sack and asshole. I put my ass under the pipe for a good 15 minutes. It did nothing to take the burning off.

mamak: hey Fawked you ok?

Fawked: FUCK YOU, FUCKING TAMBI SHIT

mamak: what’s up

Fatboi: he sat on a chili

mamak: HAHAHAHA

Fawked: I’m gonna beat your ass, you fucking shit

mamak: HAHAHAHA

The morale of this story is always check your seat. You don’t wanna accidentally sit on this Hell Vegetable they call the overgrown chili padi. My balls and asshole was burning for a good 5 hours.

** Update: since that incident I had a check to make sure I was still producing high grade sperm, and the results were phenomenal.

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