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It was a Saturday night, I’m bored as shit. Tried getting a booty call to go out drinking with me, failed miserably. My buddies Match, Bullet, Fatboi and TumTum were going to Genting Highlands to chill out and gamble at the Casino. Gambling really isn’t my thing, a couple of years back I had a very bad gambling habit and going down that road sucks. I rather smoke crystal meth and fuck crack whores than gamble. Failed to get any booty, I decided to stay back home and drink by myself while watching TV. Drinking always sounded like a very good plan. My mom asked me to bring her for dinner so I did like a good son that I am. We talked quite a bit and the conversation went like this:

mom: you staying at home tonight?

Fawked: yea I think so

mom: where are you’re friends going tonight?

Fawked: the casino

mom: you could always go and walk around, see people gamble

Fawked: nah, the casino sucks

mom: you don’t have to gamble, then you wont get that habit again

Fawked: I hate the cold and I think I have a drinking habit

mom: I know, you better stop that shit

Fawked: I need a drink

mom: at least you don’t womanize

Fawked: I’m not too sure about that

mom: I think we took the wrong baby home, you’re not my son

Fawked: what the fuck, that’s not funny

mom: hahaha

Fawked: are you gonna pay for my food?

mom: when you wanna get settled down?

Fawked: in a couple of years, haven’t met anybody smart enough

mom: please get somebody that is able to maintain a conversation with your dad

Fawked: yea ok

mom: and make sure she goes to church, do you still go to church?

Fawked: yea, every Sunday without fail, church ummm… rocks

mom: God loves you

Fawked: no shit, I know he does, he showers me with his loving whores and liquor

** I get an SMS:

Fatboi: hey man, are you going to the Casino today?

Fawked: no man, I hate gambling my shit away

Fatboi: awww come on, it’ll be fun

Fawked: losing my hard earned money isn’t

Fatboi: we’ll just hang out, disturb the babes a little

Fawked: sounds like a good plan. ok I’ll see you later

You don’t really need to persuade me much. If you tell me there’s food, girls and liquor, I’ll be there. I pick Fatboi at about 9.30, have some non alcoholic drinks and we go on our destination. Something about myself: I hate being cold. I can’t even stand a little cold. So naturally I hate Genting Highlands. Its a mountain top resort that’s fucking cold. We reach Gentings without any problems. During the journey there I told the PityMe story to Fatboi and I think I gave him a boner. Fatboi can drink but he’s not much of a party animal. Some how in the car I think I managed to convert him to the Fawked Religion. He told me to set up a day when we’d go to the club and pick up some bitches.

Once at Gentings we meet up with Match, Bullet and TumTum. They decide that they wanna spend the night. I’m cool with anything. Some chink tries to blackmail us into renting his fucking rooms that’s like 50% more expensive with the excuse that there are no more rooms available. So if we wanna stay we have to rent his rooms. We entertain him for a bit then we told him a very polite “fuck off” and went our way. We checked with hotel reservation and there were still rooms available, we rented a room and headed to the Casino buffet. Food, Fawked is happy. The conversation:

Bullet: what the fuck man, didn’t you just eat just now with your mom?

Fawked: yea and?

TumTum: you eat like a champion

Best quote of the night from my buds to me:

“We know you can drink and fuck like a rabbit, when did you learn to eat like one?”

After buffet we headed over to the Casino, the land where you loose money. I prepared myself by only bringing 200 bucks to Gentings so I would only loose 200 if I went into a manic gambling mood. Fatboi decided that we should each take out 100 bucks. I agree and gave him 100 bucks. We have 200 bucks to play now. In 5 minutes we lost the 200 at the ‘Banker Player’ table. Gambling sucks. We didn’t even fucking win 1 game. Fucking Genting Casino, mother fucker. Fatboi suggests that we should find an ATM. I agree. I’m gonna kill the Casino, do or die situation. It’s past midnight now and the ATM machines are turned off, Fawked is pissed now. After giving 50 bucks to Match for the buffet and hotel reservations, I’m left with 50 bucks. Fatboi takes 200 bucks from TumTum and I take 50 bucks from Fatboi. In hand now I have 100 bucks. I decided that I wanted to play at the ‘War Games’ table. I bet in 50’s. I win 3 games straight and I’m beginning to think I am on a winning streak. In the next 10 minutes I lost all my money. Fucking great. I get bored and start smoking, a lot. I look like some dood that lost all his life savings, haha. I thought it was pretty funny at the time. I get bored quickly. What do I do when I get bored? I get me a bottle of Corona Extra, made my way back to the Casino and had this conversation with the securities:

Security: no open bottles allowed sir

Fawked: what the fuck, are you sure man?

Security: take a look around

Fawked: and?

Security: nobody is drinking

Fawked: because they are too busy gambling

Security: yes and no alcohol allowed here

Fawked: you cant be serious man

I start chugging my Corona like there’s no tomorrow, discard my bottle and burp my way back into the Casino. I need more beer, but I’m out of money. Then I saw a dealer with the name ‘Geeseben’ at the Pontoon table. I shit you not, that’s his name. I make my way to his table to talk to him:

Fawked: hey geese lets play some poontang

Geeseben: place your bet

Fawked: hey man how do you pronounce your name?

Geeseben: its G - say - ben

Fawked: anybodies name here is G? Say Ben…

** table doesn’t get the joke, fuck them

Geeseben: place your bets please

Fawked: hey man, can I call your Goose? Like in Top Gun. Also because there’s only one of you, the singular for Geese is Goose.

The next thing I know I’m being escorted out of the Casino. Apparently I’m drunk and rowdy. Give me a break. I only had 1 bottle of Corona. I can drink like 20 bottles of that camel piss, puke my fucking guts all over and still drive home. They don’t know what the fuck they are talking about. And did I mention I tried to bet my friends 2.50 chip on that minimum 50 buck table? Casino sucks. There were no chicks. Everybody was with somebody and they were gambling. I didn’t get to pick up any chicks but my friend had an admirer.

Admirer: its late, time to go back to the hotel

Bullet: yea ok good night

Admirer: you wanna go back with me?

Bullet: ummm, I still wanna gamble

Admirer: its late, I’m tired

Bullet: ok you go right ahead first, my friends are still here

Fawked: 12134 (our room number)

** Bullet pulls me away

Bullet: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING MAN

Fawked: just helping you out man, she wants to fuck

Bullet: she is like 65 years old!

Fawked: she needs love and you need to stop being choosy

The old lady proceeds to where my buddy TumTum is at. We don’t wanna disturb them so we look from far. TumTum’s face looks like he’s getting a constipation. That’s most likely because he’s loosing and OldLady is trying to feel his penis under the table. OldLady gets bored and leaves the Casino. We take the cue and go over to TumTum. On our arrival, TumTum goes on a winning streak. I eye a hot HongKee lady. She can’t speak English for shit. She is losing money and she’s still happy. Weirdo. I flash my room key and say 12134. My buddies start laughing. Now she’s not a very happy loser. Fuck her. Bullet is hitting on the damn dealer that looks like a sold out Britney Spears.

When TumTum is done gambling, we go back to our room. The weather is fucking hot in Gentings today. There were 2 twin beds in our room. 5 guys gonna sleep on it. We push both beds together so it became a giant twin twin bed. We put Fatboi in the middle. We sleep in this order:

TumTum - Match - Fatboi - Fawked - Bullet

I always sleep naked. Because staying over at Gentings was a last minute decision we didn’t bring any comfortable cloths, tooth brush or any clean clothes in fact. Shit. I won’t sleep well. I announce that I am gonna sleep only in my under wear. I take my cloths off, I didn’t have any boxers on, only my cheap worn out underwear. My left butt cheek kept getting exposed cause the damn elastic was worn out on the left side. I don’t give a shit. I tuck my package nicely in the underwear, because the damn underwear is so fucking cheap my nut sack kept getting exposed. Fuck that. I proceed to sleep in between a half naked Bullet and Fatboi. TumTum got all exited and took off all his cloths except for his underwear. The conversation:

Match: OH HELL NO, YOU’RE NOT GETTING IN BED WITH ME LIKE THAT

TumTum: why the fuck not? Fawked is sleeping in his underwear

Match: well he’s not sleeping beside me and he doesn’t have crabs or herpes

TumTum: fuck you, that’s not fair

Match: sleep on the fucking floor if you wanna sleep naked

TumTum puts his cloths back on. We go to sleep. Fatboi snores like a fucking Twin Turbo Skyline. I kick him in the ass to shut him up. Bullet starts grinding his teeth like a record player. Fuck that. I didn’t get any sleep that night. And HongKee lady didn’t show up. Gentings fucking sucks.

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