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There’s this Bengali chick in my office that’s a vegetarian. She made the mistake of asking me help her do something. So when I was done she told me a simple “thank you”. Yea right, I’m a lazy fuck and I’m on a bad hangover, I’m not happy and I hate working. Then this conversation took place:

vegetarian: thanks for your help Fawked

Fawked: no problem, just ask me out for steak

vegetarian: oh, I’m sorry Fawked, I’m vegetarian

Fawked: no shit, I love steak

vegetarian: umm I’m sure its nice but I don’t believe in killing animals for food

Fawked: why not? have you even eaten steak before?

vegetarian: yea when I was younger

Fawked: then why wont you eat it now? Imagine the soft juicy tender meat…

vegetarian: I can think now, and I don’t believe in killing animals for food

Fawked: I heard you the first time

vegetarian: why do you like eating steak?

Fawked: why not? I like them medium rare, so you can taste the blood

vegetarian: don’t make me sick

Fawked: why? lots of people eat them medium rare

vegetarian: well I don’t, I like vegetables and fruits

Fawked: don’t you even eat fish?

vegetarian: no…

Fawked: you know you can get goiter if you don’t eat fish

vegetarian: goi.. what?

Fawked: you know its a sickness, makes your neck grow big and your tits small

vegetarian: my what small? Fawkedkkkk!

** she has small tits by the way

Fawked: hey man maybe its a totally religious thing to get goiter

vegetarian: its not

Fawked: I can taste the steak in my mouth right now

vegetarian: don’t be childish

Fawked: guess what I ate for lunch

vegetarian: I don’t want to

Fawked: I’m going to tell you anyway

vegetarian: I’m not listening I have to get back to work

Fawked: work is done, you told me to help you finish it

vegetarian: so thanks

Fawked: thank me with steak, I ate chicken for lunch today. it was awesome

vegetarian: I’m sure

Fawked: you’ve eaten chicken before right, it taste gooooood

vegetarian: yes I know

Fawked: you can taste it in your mouth right

vegetarian: ummm no… stop it please

** I’m following her back to her seat now

vegetarian: I have work to do, go back to your seat please

Fawked: I wanna see you work

vegetarian: please I have lots of work

Fawked: so work! where do you find energy to work if you don’t eat meat?

vegetarian: I believe that god gives me energy

Fawked: you cant be serious

vegetarian: I am

Fawked: so if you eat sausages is it wrong?

vegetarian: I already said I don’t eat meat

Fawked: but what if your boyfriend asks you to eat his sausage?

vegetarian: eat his sausage? what do you mean

** some dumb ass in the office breaks out in a hyena laugh. he got the joke at least

Fawked: I love watching cows get cut up then made into steak

vegetarian: you’re sick

Fawked: yea I know

vegetarian: have you been drinking?

Fawked: no I don’t believe in drinking

vegetarian: something smells like alcohol

Fawked: that’s probably the new hair cream I’m using, its 90% alcohol

vegetarian: what?!

Fawked: can’t you see the glow in my hair?

vegetarian: umm yea… a little bit

** its the effect from not washing my hair for a week, its fucking oily

Fawked: you know its 90% alcohol and 10% cow fat

vegetarian: cow fat?

Fawked: yeah you know, cow fat, the cow oil

vegetarian: oh my god

Fawked: you use a lot of stuff that came from animals you know

vegetarian: no I don’t

Fawked: take for example your shoes, I bet they are leather

vegetarian: they are PVC

Fawked: cheap skate, I’m going to eat a lot of steaks from today

vegetarian: don’t be mean

Fawked: why haven’t you started on your work yet?

vegetarian: you’re bothering me

Fawked: but you’re enjoying my company aren’t you

vegetarian: no I’m not

Fawked: you know what this tattoo means?

vegetarian: no… what does it mean

Fawked: don’t save the whales, kill them

vegetarian: you’re the meanest person ever

Fawked: hahah, thanks. I’m happy now. bye bye.

She won’t be calling me to help her do anything from now on I’m sure.

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