Fawked Network

A few days back I watched Up! mainly because it was 97% on Rotten Tomatoes and my brother said it was better than Shrek. Let me get something really clear, I don’t watch cartoons. I don’t care if its called animation or anime or 3d or whatever. If it’s not humans acting, its a cartoon to me. I think I should also add that Japanese Anime sucks. It’s the closest thing to a bunch of retarded kids trying to make a cartoon.

There are only 2 cartoons that I watch and it’s Shrek and South Park. A lot of anime lovers argue that South Park’s animation is even worse than anime’s. Well that’s because maybe South Park is made by retards?

Anyway, Up is about an ugly old man that just lost his wife and some how lost his sense of adventure. I’m not sure if anybody can lose their sense of adventure in real life. But that’s the story. Long story short, Old Man meets fat kid that looks like he’s mixed with Chinese cause he’s got really small slanty eyes. Then as you can already guess they start on their adventure in a flying house.

The movie was pretty funny because of the fat kid. Pixar was really nice enough to let a retarded fat kid star in their cartoon. Without him the movie would be boring as hell because the Old Man is semi mute I think. Below is a spoiler of the cartoon. Click at your own risk.

← SHOW SPOILER →

The good guys save the day as usual but there is an unusual twist to the cartoon. The Old Man dies in the end. Boy gets really devastated and transforms into the Punisher.

The papers are buzzing about Andy Lau being in Malaysia. And everybody is speculating if his girlfriend or wife or mistress is Malaysian. What’s with the hype? I don’t really see the big deal. Who gives a fuck if his lover is Malaysian? Well at least I know I don’t give a rats ass. I remember a paper saying:

… the boy, believed to be his son looked so much like Andy Lau

I almost laughed my fucking ass off. There was a picture of a Chinese kid wearing a surgical mask because he was afraid to get H1N1. If Andy was here I bet he was wearing a mask too, so maybe that confused the reporters that they looked alike. How can you possibly tell if a person looked alike when he’s wearing a mask? Based on his eyes? Then he would look  like the other 2 billion Chinese on the planet.

Dawn and I were taking lunch when Dawn read about the news and we had this conversation:

Dawn: Hey Andy Lau is in Malaysia!

Fawked: So?

Dawn: So I want to know if he’s really here. His wife is Malaysian you know.

Fawked: So?

Dawn: He came for a funeral.

Fawked: Who died?

Dawn: His dad died, it’s sad.

Fawked: Why is his dad in Malaysia?

Dawn: Don’t know.

Fawked: I think it was his lover’s dad.

Dawn: Can’t be, it’s his dad Mr. Chu.

Fawked: Can’t be his dad, it’s her dad.

Dawn: No it’s not!

Fawked: If it was his dad, then his name would be Andy Chu Tak Wah and not Andy LAU.

So yesterday I went out with Dawn and finally after 2 months we caught Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. Rotten Tomatoes rated it at 19%. Nineteen fucking percent. Can you believe that?

When Rotten Tomatoes rates a movie lower than 60% you know its absolutely shit. I was a little bit worried. 19% would have to be way below horrible. But some movies you just have to watch it even if its shit, you get what I mean? Movies like the Matrix, Pirates of the Caribbean and Star Wars. It’s crap, but you have to watch it. You just have to. Then there are really bad movies like Titanic that we should skip.

I actually enjoyed Transformers 2. The story line was crappy as usual but the graphics and Megan Fox was exceptionally hot. That was why Dawn wanted to watch Transformers 2 anyway, because of Megan Fox.

One really big disappointment was the sound that we all grew up with when the Transformers change from robot to vehicle was either too soft or none at all. It’s not Transformers if you don’t have the sound! Every time they transformed I had to make the sound in my head or else it would be like watching Voltron or something.

That’s Voltron. I used to watch that shit when I was a kid. As I’m typing this, I just realized how much it fucking sucks.

Before the movie we went for lunch at Jaya Jusco because Dawn wanted to eat asam laksa. Let me repeat; Dawn wanted to eat asam laksa. I wanted to eat the nasi lemak with curry chicken. Our conversation:

Dawn: Why my asam laksa no fish?

Fawked: Don’t know…

Dawn: Really no fish one woh.

Fawked: Ok

Dawn: Not nice already, next time don’t want to eat.

Fawked: Ok (eating even quicker now, I know what’s coming)

Dawn: How’s your nasi lemak?

Fawked: It’s ok. Errr it’s really not that good.

Dawn: Really?

Fawked: Really really.

Dawn: My asam laksa is too spicy and not nice.

Fawked: Would you like to exchange?

Dawn: Ok!

So basically I almost ate a whole plate of nasi lemak then Dawn stole my nasi lemak and the whole piece of chicken and gave me an almost full bowl of asam laksa. No wonder people keep telling me that I put on weight. Anyway, my point is I’m fucking stuffed ok?

After lunch we walked around and there was this Coke counter at the MPH entrance hall. And they were giving out free coke. Before you read the conversation, a little information: Dawn does not like to drink soft drinks.

Dawn: Free Coke!

Fawked: I’m too full.

Dawn: But it’s free! Lets take 2 cans.

Fawked: Can you drink? I’m too full.

Dawn: Sure!

Fawked: Take 1 can enough.

Dawn: Ok.

I was so busy looking at all the freeloaders take the free can of Coke I didn’t even notice why they were giving out free Cokes for. For some reason the Coke tasted a little bit weird. But maybe I was just a little paranoid because it was free. Every time Dawn took a sip of Coke we had this conversation:

Dawn: Look! My eyes are tearing up! The gas making my eye tear.

After 2 sips of Coke and with teary eyes she said:

Dawn: I can’t drink already, very full. Nah you drink la.

For the next hour I was so bloated I felt like I was going to explode. We had about an hour and a half before the movie started so we went to Borders to look at some books. I bought 3 books by Jeffrey Archer and the titles are:

A continuation from The Prodigal Daughter. Can’t really tell you what it is about because if you have not read the Prodigal Daughter, the synopsis contains spoilers. But if you want to know the spoiler click below:

← SHOW SPOILER →

Florentyna Kane became president and Shall We Tell The President is about assassins trying to assassinate her.

About Saddam Hussein planning a revenge so diabolical that the United States will be left with no choice but to retaliate.

About 2 twins parted at birth and are selected later in life to stand against each other for the governor of the state.

After that Transformers 2 we went for dinner at Zan Mai. As usual Zan Mai was packed and we had to line up and waited for about 30 minutes before we got a seat. After dinner I went to buy some mouth wash. I prefer Listerine but Dawn says Oral-B is better because it does not contain alcohol. I prefer Listerine cause it hurts like a bitch. If it hurts that much, it can’t be good for the germs right? Conversation:

Dawn: Get Oral-B it’s better.

Fawked: But I prefer Listerine, it’s stronger.

Dawn: Thing’s that aren’t good are always stronger.

Fawked: Huh? I’m confused.

Dawn: Ya like ecstasy.

Fawked: WTF? What has ecstasy got to do with Listerine?

Dawn: My point is bad stuff work fast.

Fawked: Like Ecstasy?!

For the past week I didn’t blog because I had a nasty eye infection. In fact I didn’t even use the computer much. My personal doctor (Dr. Dawn) told me it was because I used the computer too much. Staring at the monitor for an average of 15 hours a day for the past 10 years can’t be good for my eyes right?

At first I gave myself all sorts of excuses like dry and tired eyes, I even thought I rubbed it too much. But it got worse. Then I thought it was because I was watching too much porn. So I cut down on my computer and porn activities. And it got even worse. My eye started to look like this…

WARNING: VERY GRAPHIC PICTURES OF MY INFLAMED EYE. PROCEED WITH EXTREME CAUTION. NOT FOR THE WEAK OF HEART. IT WILL SCARE THE FUCK OUT OF YOU.

To see the picture click ← SHOW SPOILER →

To see the picture click ← SHOW SPOILER →

To see the picture click ← SHOW SPOILER →

Most people that know me well will tell you that nothing really scares me, except maybe ghost movies, dark places and snakes. I’m also scared of heights. Anyway right about then I got really fucking scared. I didn’t want to go blind or anything. Dawn kept saying if the red veins reach my pupils I will go blind and start crying blood and die. So I decided to go see an optician and get my shit fixed. I decided to go see the doc last Wednesday. I only went yesterday (Monday), today is Tuesday. So you can’t really say I was that worried, but I was!

This was my first time visiting an optometrist. When I reached there, they tested my eye sight. Asked me to read a bunch of alphabets on the wall. I think I scored with flying colours. The nurse said I had eyes like an eagle. Then he dripped some liquid into my eyes and it burned like hell. Yes, he was a male nurse. At first I thought he dripped some anti bacterial liquid into my eye or something because it hurt so much. Then 5 minutes later everything went blur. I couldn’t even read my SMS on the phone. I was a little bit worried because I came to get my eye checked and they blinded me right after I was certified with 20/20 vision.

There were like 20 people before me. It amused me because almost everyone in there were wearing sun glasses. And everybody there were at least 50 years old and above. Dawn and I were the only young people there. Dawn went with me because she said the optician was good looking. The patients went in and came out really fast. In about less than an hour it was my turn. Dawn was having a drink at the water dispenser when they called my name so I called her to hurry up. Then some old man that was sitting behind me happily announced:

“He’s calling his girlfriend for morale support, I think he’s scared”

The optometrist did a few quick test on my eye and told me I had an eye inflammation. I think he said it’s the inflammation of the conjunctiva. I’m not sure. I was blur as hell. Everything around me was kinda blurry after the nurse poured that stinging piss water in my eye. While checking my eye, the doc dripped more of that stinging liquid in my eye. He didn’t say much about my eye except that the good news was the inflammation would go away by itself even without medication and there’s no chance of me getting blind from it. Anyway he gave me an eye drop that would heal the eye quicker.

Everything was still blurry and shit. Maybe it’s a rule that if you have an eye problem and you go see the optometrist you shouldn’t drive. My eyes fucking hurt in the sun light. Good thing I brought my sun glasses. I dismissed all that bullshit and drove myself home anyway. I didn’t live too far away. I only had to drive about 35 kilometres home.

When I got home I went to take a shower and I checked my eye out. For a moment I got shock of my life because my pupils seemed to be missing from my eyes. Then I looked closely and saw pupils were huge. I think it was dilated to the maximum. Then only did it occur to me that they gave me dilation drops so the optometrist could check my eyes. My pupils looked like somebody injected a mixture of cocaine and heroine right into my eyeballs. I don’t remember my pupils being so fucking dilated even after I smoked a bowl of weed.

I don’t know if it was just me, but I had a fucking headache that night. I think it was because everything was blurry and my eye absorbed too much light.

Before you read this, read this first.

DK says:
if u can i will get juju to suck ur dick
LOL

Fawked.Net says:
http://www.fawked.net/?p=972

DK says:
wat link u send?

Fawked.Net says:
for the crack

DK says:
edwin loves dicks?
FAG

Fawked.Net says:
HAHA PWNED