Fawked Network

Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs is definitely for kids. I didn’t enjoy the cartoon one bit. Maybe a little. It’s definitely not a movie for grown ups. The guy sitting in front of me brought his whole family out to watch. His kids were pretty quiet throughout the cartoon but he was fast asleep. I myself almost fell asleep. Sorry guys, but this is a cartoon your girlfriends/wife and kids would love to watch. With a rating of 85% from Rotten Tomatoes, I’m beginning to believe that they are biased towards cartoons.

A couple of weeks back at the cinema they had these promo cards for the public. You could take as many as you wanted. Apparently if you scratch the food in the picture and you smell it, it smells like the food! Oh wow!

But guess what, it smells like fucking ass! Seriously, the meatball doesn’t smell like meatballs. They smell like sweaty cow balls. Not like I smelled cow balls before… But I bet it stinks. The only real thing in the picture that smells like what it’s suppose to smell is that rotten fish at the bottom of the card.

Even though the storyline wasn’t that great, the animation was awesome. Certain scenes were so real I actually thought it was real and not animation. But the rest of the cartoon can be summed up in a few words and a few pictures. So if you plan on watching it, don’t read any further.

This is Flint. Flint is an inventor. He invents crap. He lives in a a small fishing town. The town specializes in sardines. One day the world decided that sardines were no good anymore. Because the major income of the town was cut and they had a lot of unsold sardines, they had no choice but to eat their own sardines for breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper.

This here is Flint’s dad. He is the only guy in the town with conjoining eyebrows that hid his eyes. He also has a hell of a moustache. I think he used to act in porno films, because of the moustache and all.

One day Flint decided to save the town by building a machine that changes water into food. Something went terribly wrong and the machine shot up into the sky and it started raining food.

This is Sam. She’s a reporter. Flint has the hots for her. Background you can see drumsticks falling from the sky. Everybody is all happy because they don’t have to eat their sardines anymore.

That’s Sam again. The camera man is Manny, her Guatemalan cameraman. Manny is a doctor back at his country but he came to the USA for a better living. But Guatemalan doctors must be shit, cause all he could do was be a camera man.

This is the garbage truck. The garbage truck picks up the food that nobody eats. At least the message for the kids is keep your neighbourhood clean, but it’s ok to waste food.

The guy on the left is George Clooney and the guy on the right is Sylvester Stalone. George Clooney eats too much and becomes a fat guy and Sylvester Stalone dresses up like a chicken.

I’m too tired to continue. If you want to know what happens in the end you just have to watch the movie for yourself. But before I forget. Let me introduce to you:

The only black family in the cartoon. I guess they thought it would be racist if the only thing brown in the movie were the chocolates. How nice of the producers to include a black family in the cartoon. And to top it off, they even gave the black cop super powers. He could jump around and do stunts and shit. He was like a black Jackie Chan. It would only be fair to have a super black actor be the voice of the super black cop. And that super black actor is no other than:

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MR T! MR T is one bad ass mother fucker. Nobody fucks with him. He will kill you. Look at the amount of gold plated shit he got on. He is the original gangsta. He got more bling bling than all the rappers combined.

Since I’m no genius or an inventor. I’m planning to write and produce a movie in the very near future. I suspect it would be a real big hit. I will get the biggest stars to act in it. So far I have created my movie title and the poster. Enjoy.

← SHOW SPOILER →

The movie would be about a guy that invented a machine that rained Babes! Will be staring Megan Fox (Babe on the left), Eva Mendes (Babe in the middle) and Eva Greene (Babe on the right).