Fawked Network

That is my toothbrush. I love my toothbrush so much that I have decided to dedicated an entry just for it. It’s really awesome. Cleans your teeth better than the normal toothbrush.

Did you know that you are supposed to brush your teeth for at least 2 minutes? I know most people are done in 30 seconds.

Every morning when I wake up I brush my teeth with my awesomo electrically motorized toothbrush. But this morning it was a little bit different. I brushed my teeth while taking a piss. And my toothbrush fell into the toilet bowl.

I just woke up and I was blur as hell. I peed on my toothbrush while I looked at it sink into the toilet bowl. Then I put my hand in to take my toothbrush out and I peed on my hand too.

Well. That’s all I want to say anyway. If you must know, yes I’m still using that damn toothbrush. It cost me more than a hundred bucks I’m not about to throw it away. And yes, it does smell like pee. Fuck that, I’m disgusting so sue me.

Yesterday I got a very unusual phone call from a friend. I’ll just try and recap our conversation. We’ll just name my friend as Killer.

• Killer: Fawked?
• Fawked: Yea?
• Killer: You want a job?
• Fawked: Depends. How much does it pay?
• Killer: 4,000 not including overtime and other stuff.
• Fawked: Cool. Ok. When do I start?
• Killer: As soon as you agree.
• Fawked: Ok I agree.
• Killer: Ok great!
• Fawked: Wait a sec, what am I going to do?
• Killer: You’re going to be a bodyguard.
• Fawked: Right…

Let me just get something straight. I know this guy and what he does. He’s a bodyguard for some really important guy. I don’t think I can mention who he is, but his team is made up of like ex UTK members or something like that. Even the shittiest member of their team is a Taekwondo 4th Dan Jedi Master or something. UTK stands for Unit Tindakan Khas or Ultimate Total Killers. I hope I won’t get in trouble for saying that, they are part of the elite police force and I heard if they wanted to get rid of a certain someone they use C4 and blow them away…

You fuck with them, they can shoot nails out of their fingers and kill you instantly. So what the fuck do they want with me? I’m about 165cm tall and I weight about 55kilos.Back in the day I could beat up a guy with a stick any day. But now you want me to protect some really important guy? I think I need protection rather than protecting people. The rest of the conversation:

• Killer: So how about it?
• Fawked: I don’t know man, can I do it part time?
• Killer: No you can’t, you have to commit if you want to do it.
• Fawked: Will I get a gun?
• Killer: Yea of course you will man.
• Fawked: Cool shit…
• Killer: Then you have to send you for training and teach you how to kill people with your thumb
• Fawked: Why can’t I do it part time?
• Killer: We can’t just issue you a part time gun license right?

I didn’t take that job. It’s fucked up man. You can shoot at those UTK guys and shit and they will not die. They’ll just pull the bullet out with their fingers. All you have to do is shout at me and I’ll be dead.

I was reading The Star today when I came across that picture in the Thumbnail section. It’s the section where people send in pictures they took. If a picture gets picked for picture of the day the owner gets paid RM50.

When I saw that picture I was fucking spooked. The logs look like they were going to break free of the chains and fall onto the road. That shit reminded me of a movie I once watched…

And this guy is worried that those logs would be made into toothpicks? He’s worried that we’re cutting down trees? What the fuck is wrong with this guy? He is fucking lucky the chains holding the logs together didn’t break. Or else he would have got a fucking toothpick that would be too big for his face.