For the past few consecutive days every time I read the sports page there is an article about Tiger Woods’s car crash. If you have no idea who Tiger Woods is and what I’m talking about, let me bring you up to speed. That is Tiger Woods.
It would be quite hard to believe if people have never heard of Tiger Woods. I’m not much of a golfer so I only know Tiger Woods, I don’t know any other golfer. It’s like a person who doesn’t follow football but I bet he or she have heard of Ronaldo or Rooney or Gerrard. When golf is mentioned, it is associated with Tiger Woods and when Tiger Woods is mentioned, it is associated with golf. When Fawked.Net is mentioned, it is associated with idiocy. That’s how the world works.
So anyway, the story is Tiger had an argument with his wife because she accused him of having an affair with some party hostess or something. What the fuck is a party hostess anyway? Is that what they are calling golf groupies nowadays? Anyway, after the argument he drives off in the middle of the night in his “I’m sure it’s a” very expensive SUV. Then he crashes into a tree or something. He was unconscious and had cuts on his face and shit. His wife came running out of the house with a golf club, smashed the windows and dragged him out. Yea right.
According to reports he was driving at such a slow speed that even the airbags did not deploy. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Who the fuck are they trying to trick? Are they trying to trick those jungle people that have not sat in a car before?
If anybody would pay me a fucking million dollars. No wait. Pay me a hundred US Dollars and I’ll sit in the same SUV that Tiger sat in and crash the SUV into a fucking tree at a speed that the air bag would not deploy. And I will guarantee you I will walk out of the car conscious. Hell, just for arguments sake, throw in another hundred grand and I’ll drive it into a tree again at a speed where the damn air bag will deploy. For even more arguments sake throw in a million dollars, disable the airbags and I will drive it into a tree as many times as it takes for me to fall unconscious and cut my lips or whatever.
If you want to know what really happened read on. Reports speculate that he was having affair with some white party hostess chick. But it’s all bullshit.
The true story is Tiger Woods got his ass owned by his wife. She practically beat his ass with a nine iron. He got scared and he tried to run away. Little did he know his Swedish wife Elin Nordegren wasn’t just a super model. She used to be 400m champion for her University.
She chased him (while he was trying to drive away in his SUV) with a nine iron and smashed his SUV windows. When he realized he couldn’t outrun her, he must’ve tried to jump out of the SUV Die Hard style then crashed into a tree “at a speed that the air bags can’t deploy”. Then she dragged him out of the car and gave him a nice ass kicking (with the nine iron) till he passed out.
According to a very “reliable” source I managed to find out who Tiger Woods is having an affair with. This might come as a shocker to some so click the spoiler links at your own risk!
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Yes the rumours are true, Tiger does have a mistress but it is Oprah Winfrey! They got it wrong when they said he was having an affair with a party hostess, he’s actually having an affair with a TV hostess!
They met on the Oprah Winfrey Show and they hit it off from there? Unbelievable? Keep reading for photo evidence! Never seen before photo images, shown first time on Fawked.Net!
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That’s Tiger Woods and Oprah Winfrey together alright. He’s always wearing that same black cap with that anchor logo… or maybe it’s a TW logo. Well who cares! He always has that stupid smile on his face, always! If its a Korean guy with a smile like that, then he’s Tiger pretending to be a Korean. Still not convinced? Read on.
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It doesn’t get any more real than this. A picture of the both of them together. And Tiger is holding a golf club. I mean what the fuck right? Who would carry a golf club every where? Only Tiger Woods would? It must be one of those sponsorship deals or something. And look its the same black cap and stupid smile.
Note: I’m probably going to get sued for this shit. But I don’t really give a fuck. The only shit I owned right now is a pair of dirty white Nike shoes and Tiger has a lot of Nike shit already anyway.
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