This is a remix of the song Poker Face by Lady GaGa. In this remix version Lady GaGa sings in a duet with South Park front man Eric Cartman.

Finally the MCA voting results are out and is it any surprise that Chua Soi Lek won? I mean come on! The guy is a porn star for fucks sake, he’s famous. Of course he’s going to win! Personally I’m not into politics and I couldn’t care less about who won. But when a porn star wins, that’s big news.

When I grow up I want to fuck a “personal friend” in a shady motel (while having her clothes on) and get my ass recorded then become president of MCA. It’s just so awesome. His win has inspired me that anything is possible. Not only has it inspired me, but his win has also inspired others to go into politics.

It was reported that Jenna Jameson was so inspired by Dr. Chua that she decided to be in the running for Governor  of the state of California against Arnold Schwarzenegger. According to polls, it is believed that Jenna Jameson would do better in politics because her porn movies are clearer and more hardcore with younger men. Dr. Chua’s video on the other hand, may have used a body double with a bigger dick.

Another person inspired by Dr. Chua is Anwar. It is rumoured that Anwar is contemplating making a video of his own to boost his political career. Whether or not his genre would be accepted by the public is yet to be seen. But it is surely going to be a hit with the fans of his co-star, American Idol runner up, Adam Lambert.

Yesterday I blogged about Streamyx being assholes here and today I read this article at thestar.com.my and I was laughing my ass off. Streamyx must really think we are stupid or something. Some of us are pretty stupid but that’s maybe because we have no idea what kinda bullshit they are pulling. Lets have a look at their awesome HSBB package:

5 Mbps – 60 GB monthly download quota
10 Mbps – 90 GB monthly download quota
20 Mbps – 120 GB monthly download quota

If you think monthly quotas are fucked up, they made it even more fucked up by having daily quotas out of the monthly quotas. I’m assuming the quotas are divided by 30 days or 31 days. So that would make it:

5 Mbps – 2 GB download quota per day
10 Mbps 3 GB download quota per day
20 Mbps – 4 GB download quota per day

If you think that’s fucked up, they made it EVEN MORE FUCKED UP, if you exceed your download quota per day they throttle your speed to 10% of the bandwidth you are paying for. So if you exceed your quota this is what you will get:

5 Mbps – 500 Kbps
10 Mbps – 1 Mbps
20 Mbps – 2 Mbps

This is all I have to say:

LOLWTFLMAOBBQWTFROLFCOPTER

There is nothing that I need to say further. You can clearly see how fucking stupid they are. Those a fucking ridiculous package. If you don’t think so let me do the math for you ok. Educate yourself. With blazing speeds you still want to watch normal DVD movies and normal 320p YouTube movies? No way, I would want to watch HD movies.

A HD movie is about 4 GB and above for a standard timed movie. 4 fucking GB’s. You can even fucking finish downloading that movie in a day. You need 2 days for the 5 Mbps, 2 days for the 10 Mbps and a day for the 20 Mbps. Then once you are done downloading your shit, all you can do is watch that movie because the speeds you get then will be so fucked up you can’t do shit.

If you think that’s not half as bad, let me just calculate for you how many hours of fun you can have with your HSBB crap. Now assuming you totally utilize your bandwidth, why bother having high speed Internet if you cant utilize the speed right? This calculation is also based on your maximum quota at full speed:

5 Mbps – 2 GB quota full speed download = 1 hour and 2 minutes
10 Mbps – 3 GB quota full speed download = 47 minutes 59 seconds
20 Mbps – 4 GB quota full speed download = 34 minutes

*All speeds and time assumed with 20% overhead

I’m lost for words really. I don’t know what else to say except that this is bullshit. They increase the speeds in 2x multipliers but they increase the quota by 1. Their marketing team is really fucking smart. I’m looking for a job by the way, why don’t they hire me and I’ll make the Rakyat happy. TM Nut might go bust, but I’ll guaranty they will be the most loved ISP in Malaysia.

Don’t fall for their bullshit. Spread the word. We don’t need fast Internet for surfing and YouTube. With that sort of quota we can’t even host our own servers at home. With the fucking bottlenecks and congested lines we are not moving forward, we are just moving backwards. And with disgruntled customers like myself, all I have to say is fuck you Streamyx.

Streamyx people are laughing at all you UniFi subscribers cause UniFi actually means U-NaiVe. Don’t be naive, it’s bullshit.

Nowadays we hear a lot about HSBB in Malaysia. So what is HSBB? It stands for High Speed Broad Band. Cool eh? It’s a whooping 10Mbps! 10 freaking megabits per second. Wow awesome… you can download porn faster than you can cum! Wait, so who is supplying the HSBB? It’s no other than TM NUT TM NET! You know what I think about HSBB? This is what I think about HSBB…

← SHOW SPOILER →

Now why would I say that? First of all since they started talking about all this HSBB crap, my 4Mbps have been suffering, suffering so much that my brother that just bought himself a new computer gorged his eyes out and bled to death because he couldn’t play his online game.

Any long time user of Streamyx will agree that the service is fucking horrible. The after sales is even worse. The technical team can’t tell the difference between a Local connection and an International connection. Let me give you an example:

Fawked: Hi my Internet is slow.
Streamyx Technical Support: Please make sure your pc got no virus and spyware.
Fawked: I just reformatted my pc it’s clean.
Streamyx Technical Support: Please check and see that your modem is working correctly.
Fawked: My router is working correctly cause I never changed anything.
Streamyx Technical Support: Ok we will move into troubleshooting phase. Have you tried a direct connection?
Fawked: … I already tried that.
Streamyx Technical Support: I don’t see any problem then, you can go online no?
Fawked: Yes I can, but I can’t get my 4Mbps speed I’m paying for.

THIS IS WHEN THEY LAY THE TRAP

Streamyx Technical Support: Oh I see… to test your speed please go to http://speedtest.streamyx.com.my/

They must really think I’m a dumb ass mother fucker. But just for argument sake, I did a test at 9.43pm, in other words, super fucking peak time when Malaysians go online. I recorded this test and it’s no fucking bullshit. Just watch.

Can you fucking believe the download speed?  1000 kbps, 700 kbps and 900 kbps. That’s an average download speed of 866 kbps. In other words its 6.933 Mbps! Wow, my 4 Mbps connection is actually a HSBB connection? No fucking way.

That’s some fucking insane speeds beyond anybodies imagination. But lets get real ok? I was testing my speed against their server. Why don’t I test my fucking speed against my Gigabit local area network? I would get a trillion kbps download speed. Anyway this is how the conversation will go:

Fawked: I got 1000 kbps download speed which is impossible.
Streamyx Technical Support: Why is it impossible? We give you good service more than you pay for.
Fawked: Because at 4 Mbps my MAX download speed is only 500 kbps
Streamyx Technical Support: How did you get 500 kbps

Your download speed calculation:

4 Mbps = 4000 / 8 = 500 kbps download speed but you will probably get around 475 kbps
2 Mbps = 2000 / 8 = 250 kbps download speed but you will probably get around 225 kbps
1 Mbps = 1000 / 8 = 125 kbps download speed but you will probably get around 115 kbps
512 kbps = 512 kbps / 8 = 64 kbps download speed but you will probably get around 50 kbps

Try it out at 2am in the morning or 8am in the morning when Malaysians are asleep, you will probably max out your download speeds at those times.

Why do we need fast internet speeds? To download shit right? Again and again I have mentioned we only need 128 kbps to surf the net. Why do we need faster speeds?

Download torrents = Streamyx throttle torrents to very very low speeds or none at all because it cripples their servers. Their excuse, torrents are for pirates. Partially true.
Read and send emails: Was doing it fine with my 33.6 kbps back at the old dial up days.
Read blogs = I was reading blogs fine when I had my 512 kbps connection.
Watch YouTube = I could watch YouTube just fine with my 1 Mbps connection at 4am in the morning when the lines are clear.

So why the fuck do we need high speed Internet? Are we getting what we are paying for? Are we aware of the bullshit that they keep throwing at us? Making us pay more money for the bullshit speeds that they are offering? Bull fucking shit. What high speed internet? We pay for the speed but only really get to use a fraction of the promised speed.

Instead of “increasing” speeds, how about maintaining and making sure the users get the speeds they are paying for.

What the fuck are any of you going to do with a HSBB 10 Mbps? Read blogs? It will load so fucking fast the words will fall off your monitor. Play games? Your character will move so fucking fast, your character will fall off the edge of your screen. We could do all this shit with 2 Mbps if we truly got those speeds.

Another issue is the upload speed. At 4 Mbps I only get 512 kbps upload. If I had 4 Mbps up stream and down stream I could host my own web server. I could host my own IRC server. If I had 10 Mbps up stream and down stream I could host my own blog and my friendSSSSSS blogsSSSSSS and host my own gaming server.

Having a Streamyx 4 Mbps download speed with 512 kbps upload is like having a Ferrari with no wheels. The sound only gempak but your car won’t be going anywhere. Below is a video on the TRUE SPEEDS WE ARE GETTING (all tests were done within minutes of each other):

Tests from Malaysia, Thailand and Singapore only shows I have 2 Mbps during super peak hours. Now lets see how it fairs in the US where most of the websites we visit are at.

1st test I got was 0.23 Mbps, second test it didn’t even bother to move. How ridiculous is that? Maybe YouTube will do better? Lets try YouTube then, hopefully we can watch some videos. That’s why most of us got the Internet for anyway, to watch YouTube.

I was trying to watch a normal YouTube video and it won’t even load. I didn’t even bother to watch the HD version of the video. At the end of the video it demonstrated the poor downloading speed of the videos. Averaging about 30 kbps. 30 kbps is equivalent to about 0.25 Mbps as shown in the USA speed test above. And finally this is the conversation you will get when you call the Streamyx Technical Support people:

Streamyx Technical Support: Test from http://speedtest.streamyx.com.my/ does show you have 4 Mbps.
Fawked: That is local.
Streamyx Technical Support: Still it’s 4 Mbps.
Fawked: But speeds to other servers like YouTube is slow.

Streamyx Technical Support: That’s because their server is lagging, not Streamyx.

That is the lamest and dumbest fucking excuse ever. What the fuck am I going to do with a 4 Mbps to local Malaysian servers? Watch Bluehyppo? For fucks sake. Wake up. Below is a video I made while watching YouTube at 2.32am in the morning when most Malaysians are sleeping:

Oh wow guess what, I was downloading some torrent and I could stream YouTube faster than Speedy Gonzalez. You can give us 100 Mbps download speeds but if we only get 0.25 Mbps during most of the day and 512 Mbps upload speeds you might as well don’t give us shit. Do you know what the fucking problem is? Streamyx knows what the fucking problem is they just won’t admit it. So I’m gonna say it.

They can roll out their HSBB DSBB OSBB FUBB CIBB 10MB 100MB EVEN 10000MB line it don’t fucking matter. Cause the problem is, they can’t handle the amount of users they have. They want more users than they can handle. They roll out new shit to get more customers.

A simple example would be a fucking mini bus, you remember those little cute pink busses? They could sit about lets say 30 people. But they used to cramp that shit up to like a thousand. Then they modify the mini bus with bigger exhaust and engine and say the bus can take you to your destination faster. Then they try and cramp 2 thousand people into it. But the bus gets too heavy and cramped, you still don’t reach your destination fast enough. Why the fuck they do that? 1 word says it all:

GREED. MOTHER FUCKING GREED.

They go like:

“Lets roll out high speed Internet and charge these assholes a bomb. They are too stupid to know the difference anyway. Our 100Mb backbone is supposed to only have 25 users, but we’ll put 100 users on it to maximise profit. We will just call it fair usage. The idiots can read all about it here http://www.streamyx.com.my/customer_care/customer_care.php?id=customer_care_fair_usage_policy”

At the end of the day what we get is pure shit. They sold us a fucking Ferrari without wheels. You think the car can go fast, but in fact its going no where. It’s like having the hottest chick of your dreams naked and waiting for you to fuck her only to find you cant get your dick to stand.

Do I have a choice? No I don’t. Do you have a choice? No you don’t. You either just take the package, shut the fuck up or fuck off. The Internet is an integral part of my daily life and our only ISP has forced itself on me and I feel violated.

Join the Butuh La Streamyx Facebook group here.

I take back all the bad things I said about The Book of Eli. I take it all back. Alice in Wonderland wins hands down as the worst fucking movie ever made in the entire universe. I had to sit through 1 hour and 48 minutes of pure shit.

I don’t know what the fuck is up with Tim Burton, recently he makes shitty gray scale movies. Everything is dark and gothic. And it’s always starring Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter. Helena Bonham Carter starred in all 3 of his latest movies and Johnny Depp starred in the last 2.

The cinema was filled with kids, at least they enjoyed it thoroughly. The kids were always giggling and laughing and clapping when something good happened. I wanted to sleep but I couldn’t because I was so pissed at the movie I wanted to rip my chair out to throw at the screen.

Johnny Depp played the Mad Hatter. He wasn’t very entertaining in the movie. Johnny Depp is a really good actor. I always enjoyed watching his characters. But in Alice in Wonderland, even Johnny Depp couldn’t save it.

Mia Wasikowska starred as Alice. She is not hot. She was boring. But then again, they even fucked up the movie’s only saviour; Anne Hathaway.

This is probably the first movie Anne Hathaway didn’t go nude. But even if she went nude looking like that, I wouldn’t be interested. That is actually a very flattering screen cap of Anne. She looks a lot worse in other scenes.

The only part that entertained me lasted only for about 15 seconds and that was Hatter’s Futterwaken dance. I have conveniently included the video here for you. Enjoy.