Last Friday my buddy Bullet celebrated his soon to be wife’s birthday. That was also the day they got registered. I would like to congratulate them both especially my buddy Bullet for bravely treading into the realm of Onegina.
To celebrate this joyous occasion he decided we should go to Tenji, a Japanese Buffet Restaurant. For RM100, you get a bunch of food and free flow of beer. I was a little disappointed because I hate beer. But for a hundred bucks, surely the food must be good, right?
The buffet starts at 7pm and the last call is at 9pm. By 9.30pm they expect you to fuck off. For hundred bucks, that’s not really enough time. What happened that night:
7.15pm I reached Tenji the Japanese Buffet Restaurant.
7.40pm I’m still walking around wondering what to eat, nothing interests me.
During the week I asked a few people if they have been to Tenji and everyone that I asked said Tenji sucked salty donkey balls. But then again, its a buffet. Out of 50 dishes I’m sure I would at least enjoy 3 types.
7.50pm I finally get some food and start eating. Food is salty and cold. I am not the least happy.
7.55pm Bullet offers me a beer, I decline.
8.00pm I go looking for more food.
8.05pm I sit my ass back down at my table with an empty plate. I am really not happy. I start thinking what I could have done with my hundred bucks. Most of my friends are done eating and started drinking beer.
8.10pm I attempt to get more food and eat my hundred bucks worth.
8.15pm I end up eating the same food I took earlier.
8.20pm Bullet tells me:
“THEY HAVE VODKA, SOME SHIT CALLED VODKA GIMLET”
That was music to my ears. I never drank Vodka Gimlet before, it’s a pinkish concoction that looks like Smurf piss. As long as it’s Vodka, I’d drink it, lots of it. I calculated at RM5 per glass, I would have to drink at least 20 glasses to get my money’s worth.
I dumped my food and took Bullet and Fatboi with me to the bar. We order 6 glasses of Vodka for myself. I only had 40 minutes to get as many glass as I can. For the next 50 minutes I went to the bar every 10 minutes to get 6 glasses of Vodka Gimlet each time. I ended up with about 30 glasses of Smurf piss.
I start drinking like there’s no tomorrow. I’m beginning to be pleased with myself I’m getting my moneys worth.
9.10pm Time to bring out the birthday cake.
9.15pm Waitress spills a glass of red wine on me while cleaning the table.
9.15.07pm I see her life flash before my eyes.
9.15.10pm Horrified faces of my friends staring at me.
9.15.13pm Bullet jumps over to calm me before I can react.
9.15.15pm Waitress apologizes for the 100th time.
9.15.17pm I let the stupidity go unpunished.
9.15.20pm Applauds from my friends for not destroying an innocent life.
9.16pm I’m sitting in my soaked pants. I am not so happy. I continue drinking.
9.17pm I am happy again.
9.30pm We leave Tenji.
9.31pm My friends tell me that Bullet already complained to the supervisor about the spilled wine. They ask me if I wanted to complain.
9.32pm I declined. Anger management classes taught me to forgive and forget.
9.33pm My friends start calling me pussy.
9.33.20pm We see a very long waiting queue of people waiting to go into Tenji for their 9.30pm session.
9.34pm Somebody said that I’m no longer the man I used to be.
Then it happened, I announce to public as loud as I could…
← SHOW SPOILER →
“PEOPLE (while carrying up both my hands and facing the crowd), DON’T GET CHEATED. TENJI SUCKS BALLS. THE FOOD HERE IS SO DAMN FUCKING BAD. THE DUMB ASS WAITRESS EVEN TOPPLED A GLASS OF WINE ALL OVER ME AND MY PANTS ARE SOAKED RIGHT TO MY BALLS!”
9.35pm My friends quickly exit the area and pretend they don’t know me.
So, that was my Friday night. I would say I had a great night. The food however, was totally unacceptable. I would never go to Tenji ever again, period. If you plan on going to Tenji, you have been warned.
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