My friend bought an apartment at a rough side of town in England, so we had this conversation…

Fawked.Net says:
why the fuck did he buy a flat there?
he got a death wish or something?

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:
because its a nice flat
n this was before we saw all those shit

Fawked.Net says:
not so nice when they break into your shit and kill you

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:
just down the road from ours, this indian gangster wannabe teenager, hurles some racial insults toward a guy in a cab

Fawked.Net says:
but then again hes mi6
so its all good
and they shot and killed him?

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:
and the guy in the cab stopped, got out n approach this indian kid and killed him

Fawked.Net says:
LOL
the guy in the cab what was he?
Armenian?

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:
dont rmemeber
white i think it was

Fawked.Net says:
Indians watch too much bollywood movies man
they dont know if you get shot you die

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:
http://www.yourlocalguardian.co.uk/news/local/croydonnews/8117425.Blackberry_student_killers_guilty_of_manslaughter/

Fawked.Net says:
they think if you get shot, you just roll around, sing a song and 20 indian chicks come out and dance

The crown for the English Premier League is coming down to the wire. There are only 2 games left and only 1 out of 2 possible winners; the greatest club in the world Manchester United or cash-cow-club-that-could-only-win-since-they-spent-a-billion-pounds-on-players Chelsea.

This season could very well be the most interesting yet. Even those that don’t follow the EPL must’ve heard people talking about who’s gonna win it this year. So for the benefit of the those that are interested to know what is going on, here is a quick run down.

The English Premier League is, well, a league. They play a total of 38 games from July to May the following year, then they take the whole of June off and start the new league in July again. When a team wins a game, they get 3 points. If teams draw they get a point. If a team loses, they get no points. Simple right?

Take a look at the above league table. Below is a legend of what each and every column means:

P = games played

W = games won

D = games drawn

L = games lost

GS = goals scored

GA = goals against or how many goals conceded

GD = goal difference (GS minus GA)

Pts = total points accumulated

As you can see the title race for number one is between Chelsea and Manchester United. There’s only 1 point separating Chelsea from Manchester United and there are 2 more games to be played with a total of 6 points up for grabs. If Chelsea wins their remaining 2 games, they will win the title. If Manchester United have any hope of winning the title for a record breaking 4th consecutive title and a total of 19 league wins, we need Chelsea to at least either draw or lose one of their games. That is also assuming Manchester United must win their last 2 games.

This is where it gets really interesting. Manchester United have won 18 league titles to date, sharing the record with Liverpool who has also won the league 18 times. If Manchester United win this year, they would be the best English Premier League club with 19 league titles on record, however, that’s not to say Manchester United isn’t already the best in the world. Chelsea is quite insignificant in this, they just started winning a few years back when some rich Russian pimp bought over the club and started pumping in hundreds of millions to buy players. So the question remains,

Will Liverpool lose on purpose to Chelsea?

Tomorrow at 8.30 GMT+8 Liverpool is playing against Chelsea at Liverpool’s home ground Anfield. Then at 10.30 GMT+8 Manchester United will take on Sunderland at the Stadium of Lights (Sunderland’s home ground). There are mixed reactions as to whether Liverpool will lose the game on purpose. Some say Liverpool will and should lose the game so Manchester United won’t go one up to 19 league titles. Also considering the fact that Liverpool and Manchester United are fierce rivals, there are no love or favours between the two.

The conspiracy gets better, Liverpool have recently appointed Martin Broughton as chairman of Liverpool. Martin Broughton is a season ticket holder and a huge fan of Chelsea. So we wonder…

If you take a look again at the league table above, you will notice that number 1 to number 4 is in green, 5 to 7 is in grey then 8 to 17 is in white and 18 to 20 is in pink. Here is what it means…

1 to 4 = able to play in Champions League

5 to 7 = able to play in the Europa League

8 to 17 = mid table, nothing interesting there

18 to 20 = teams that will get relegated to the bottom division next season

Champions League is the most prestigious club in Europe because only the top 4 teams in Europe leagues get to play in it. That’s the league where you get to see the likes of Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal, Real Madrid, Barcelona, Inter Milan and AC Milan to name a few, play against each other. Why is the Champions League important? Bragging rights and money from TV revenues and sponsorship of course.

Then you have the Europa League. The winner gets revenue from TV and sponsorships and bragging rights to being the best of the worst in Europe. It’s not much but still better than ending up with nothing right?

So if you look at the table above, Liverpool is fighting for an Europa League spot with Everton. The title race is too tight this year. Chelsea, Manchester United and Arsenal would be looking to strengthen their teams for next season. With Liverpool out of the Champions League for next season, they are sure to lose a few of their key players that will want to play in the Champions League. So I doubt Liverpool can even challenge for the EPL next season. Their best bet would be to try for the Europa League, FA cup and the Mickey Mouse cup. So the question again…

Will Liverpool lose on purpose to Chelsea?

The question remains to be seen tomorrow. On one hand it seems like Liverpool has nothing to play for but on the other hand it seems like they have everything to play for. Either way, the pride of the club is at stake and almost certainly fucked whatever the outcome. All this said and done, the mother of all question still remains… is Liverpool even good enough to beat or at least draw with Chelsea?

I read in the news paper today some idiot said we should castrate men that cause unwanted pregnancies. He also went on to say rapists should be castrated. I agree that rapist should get heavier punishments. Again and again I have emphasized that rapists should get the death penalty.

However, I don’t agree that men should be castrated for unwanted pregnancies if the sex were consensual. Women like to fuck just as much as men, cause if it wasn’t consensual then it would be rape, no? The guy that said men should be castrated is a man but he speaks like he’s some lesbian women’s activist.

Some kids are gonna fuck. Whether they get a proper education or not, if they want to fuck and if they get a chance to fuck, they are gonna fuck. We can sit there pretending that if we ignore this problem and hope we educate and love the kids enough they won’t fuck, well people, you all are so dead wrong. A good way to stop unwanted pregnancies would be to introduce and give out free condoms to teenagers.

But no, its wrong. In every religion its wrong to fuck before marriage. By giving condoms to people, we are encouraging them to fuck? Saying that it’s ok to fuck? Lets be realistic. Condom or no condom, people are gonna fuck one way or another. And every guy out there thinks he’s a cowboy. Son, you can draw your dick fast enough ok, it only happens in porno.

I’ve been an asshole all my life and I will continue to be an asshole. But its about time I gave something back to the community. I’m going to rid this country of unwanted pregnancies. So I will be selling quality Durex Condoms online.

People don’t buy condoms  because they are ashamed of getting caught buying them. So, buy it from me. It’s going to be more expensive that’s for sure, but that’s the price of privacy. Basically anything you want from the pharmacy that you are too shy to buy yourself, I’ll get it for you and send it to you by post or DHL if you want it fast.

I assume that most people hate getting junk mail. I know I hate getting junk mail. They always want to sell you some shit you don’t need like penis enlargement meds and shit. Gmail is awesome cause 99% of the junk mail goes into the spam box automatically. Occasionally one of two slips through and goes into your inbox, but then, if you see its a name you don’t recognize you know its spam. With a click of a button the spam is gone for good. Won’t taking you more than two seconds.

What I really fucking hate are spam mails that comes through the post. They it make the envelope look fucking official, like you won something after using your credit. An envelope that might look like this…

Since I have a UOB credit card I thought to myself “wow, cool I won something”. Considering the Readers Digest logo is beside the UOB logo perhaps I won’t a years subscription or something. It’s about damned time UOB gave me something back after forcing themselves on me. Cause you see, one day I decided to buy a house and it so happened that the housing loan was by UOB. Then one fine day a mail came for me and inside was a credit card from UOB.

I didn’t want no fucking credit card at that time so I decided to cancel that card. Then the nice customer service person tells me that if I cancel my card, the interest for the house will go up. I was like “WTF”. Nobody told me I had to maintain a fucking credit card when I decided to take the loan with UOB. But I thought it’s ok since I took a housing loan with them perhaps the credit card would be free. Fuck no, I have to use the card six times a year or they will charge me a membership fee. So there you have it. I hate being ill informed and I most definitely hate being force fucked by assholes like UOB.

I turn over the envelop and I see FUNDS AVAILABLE AWAITING IMMEDIATE CLAIM. Awesome shit man! Finally I won something. Now I can finally get that Botox injection I always wanted! I tear open the envelope and I see this…

TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY GRAND! Fucking awesome. I’m fucking rich. So the next thing I do is fine out how to get my money. There were a bunch of other papers in the envelope. As I kept reading, I found out that I actually didn’t win shit. If I wanted to stand a chance to win the two hundred and fifty grand I would have to subscribe to Readers Digest. Then I read this letter that was included…

When I read that letter I was fucking pissed. Who the fuck is this Nazri Othman fella? If they wanted to tell me this wonderful news they could have called me up and I would told them no. Instead they sent me all this crap. If I subscribe they would give me this amazing free gift in the form of a Piercarlo D’Alessio watch. More like a Piece O’Asshole.

Can you believe that shit? That watch cost less than a box of condoms. I am very very disappointed with UOB. My family, we love to read. For half my life we subscribed to Readers Digest. When Readers Digest get your information, you are totally fucked. Whether you are subscribed or not, they will bombard your ass with contests and junk. If there was a survey done to see which company wasted the most paper, Readers Digest would be it. For four weeks in a row after the first letter, Readers Digest sent me letter after letter telling me how close I am to two hundred and fifty grand.

I wonder if they use real people’s name when signing off these letters. I’m wondering cause these idiots must get cursed a lot. In the letter it says I could win a Nintendo Wii set worth RM2,400. A fucking Wii does not cost RM2,400 anymore and I don’t think it ever cost that much. Now a Wii is like RM800 or probably less. If I have to subscribe to Readers Digest to stand a chance of winning the Wii, Benjamin Soh can take the Wii wireless controller and shove it up his ass then try and play virtual tennis with his ass.

Where the fuck is my privacy? UOB has registered me with the biggest spammers in the world without my my consent. We read a lot of shit about scammers calling and sending letters to victims telling them they won a lottery and all they had to do was bank in money to collect the winnings. To me what Readers Digest is doing is almost the same thing. The only difference is I get a scrawny thin little book every month and basically no chance of winning two hundred and fifty grand. If we were going to win anything, we would have won it because for the good 15 years of my life we were Readers Digest subscribers.

So fuck UOB and fuck Readers Digest, their spam mail gave me a false sense of jubilance, I passed out for 2 seconds and hit myself on the edge of my coffee table. I am hurt physically and mentally. My information was passed on to a third party without my consent and now I am being continuously harrased. With a fucking envelope that looks like this…

Somebody must have saw it and passed the word out. Everyday when my family and I come home, and when we get out of the car to open the front gates, we do it in fear. In fear, because robbers think we won some lottery money or some shit and they are around, looking… waiting… We live in fear… In fear of our lives.

Fawked.Net says:
some how i think im crazy or something
im no longer afraid of wild dogs
or maybe im just not afraid to die

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:
haha
just make sure u get ur vaccine ok

Fawked.Net says:
the other damn i came home

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:
forgot what the jab is called but it only last u ten yrs

Fawked.Net says:
and there was this pack of hyenas outside my house
i dont know where they came from

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:
hyenas? oh come on!

Fawked.Net says:
like 7 of em
dogs
but they were hyenas wannabe
you know the road at my house is quite small right
and it’s dead end
and the damn dogs were having a party there

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:
ya
party?

Fawked.Net says:
yea walking around and shit
acting like kings

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:
a gangbang party or eating party?
oh ok

Fawked.Net says:
eating party
but there was nothing to eat
then i came home and i got out of the car and they kinda decided i would be their meal or something

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:
lol

Fawked.Net says:
started coming near me sniffing and shit
and i got pissed, i just wanted to go into my house
so i told the dogs to fuck off

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:
then

Fawked.Net says:
and a few of them got angry and started growling
i carry a baseball bat in my car and i wasn’t about to get fucked by  a few dogs
so i took that shit out and tried to beat the fuck out of the leader
he went like RAWR RAWR RAWR, mother fucker i almost took his fucking head off then he went off  WEW WEW WEW
punk dogs
i swear i saw one of them wearing a Chelsea jersey too, a Terry bitch

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:
YA RIGHT