Last week the world was shocked (again), after Tilly the killer whale killed its trainer. I wasn’t shocked when I read the news because 1st of all, it was not the first time Tilly has killed, it was its 3rd time. 2nd of all, Tilly is a killer whale. Tilly is not a dog or a cat or even a turtle, Tilly is a killer whale. Now why the fuck would anybody call a whale a killer whale? If the whale always smiled then they would’ve called them smiling whale. I suppose they are called killer whales because they kill?

Anyway some people are bitching that Tilly the killer whale should be set free or put down. After being in captivity for so long Tilly wouldn’t last in the wild so its the same as putting her down except nobody has to do the dirty job of actually putting it down. What good would setting the killer whale or putting it down? It does no damn good.

I propose this is what we do:

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You know you’ve been parking for too long when birds start making nests on your car. The bird was nice enough to let me finish taking the picture before flying off for more nest building materials.

Have you been stung by a jellyfish before? No? Read on…

Basically when you un-expectedly encounter a jellyfish or two, its a really painful one. Especially if its mating season and you happen to bump into them fucking. Nobody likes getting interrupted during a good fuck. Not even jellyfishes. My family grew up in Malacca so they spent a lot of time on the beach and in the ocean. But only one of uncles have been stung by a jellyfish before, and nobody else I know have ever had the opportunity to feel what its like. Anyway, I don’t really remember the day clearly but I definitely remember that moment very clearly. I couldn’t have been older than 3 or 4 but I remember that very moment as clearly as if it was yesterday.

On that faithful day my parents brought me to this beach in Malacca called Tanjong Kling. I remember normally Mom would be sitting by the shore while I went to play in the shallow parts. My dad was swimming I think. I was just sitting in the shallow parts with the water up my my chest while i splashed about. I wasn’t even moving. Then all of a suddenly I felt 2 quick jabs. The pain was nothing like I have ever felt before in my life. It was the most painful experience in my life. Let me just explain to you how fucking painful it was. Just imagine you getting an injection from a doctor and imagine the needle was burning hot. You know how that feels right? Stinging pain while it burned. Now you just imagine:

100 FLAMING FUCKING NEEDLES JABBING YOU, NOT ONCE, BUT TWICE

Normally people only get it once. I got it twice on the arm. For fucks sake, was it necessary to sting a 4 year old kid twice? The pain was so painful I couldn’t do shit. I only sat there and cried. And my Dad thought I was playing and acting out a crying scene so he didn’t come and see what was up. Then this stranger came over and asked me what was up cause I think I was bawling. You would too if you just got fucked twice by a jellyfish. Anyway they tried to rush me to the nearest clinic but it was a public holiday or something so there were no clinics open.

Apparently in Malacca medical problems take breaks during public holidays as well. While we drove around looking for a clinic I felt like I was going to die. My arm couldn’t move. The muscle was so tight I couldn’t move my arm. The part where my arm got stung were red rashes I think. I don’t really remember how it looked. I remember the doctor saying I was stung twice probably because it was mating season and I would have died if they didn’t get me to a clinic in the next 30 minutes. I think the doctor also mentioned I was stung by a red jellyfish or fire jellyfish or something.

So that would be the most painful experience ever in my life. I would rather have 20 guys shoot me with a Taser gun rather than get stung by a fucking jellyfish again.