Fawked Network

When I was 17 my Dad gave me a hand phone with a 017 ADAM number. I have been using the same number for the past 10 over years. It was registered under his name then. It is still under his name because I’m just too lazy to get it changed. Since then ADAM has been sold and resold a couple of times. Then in the end it was acquired by Maxis.

Whenever I need to find out something or make any changes to my call plan, I have to pretend to be my Dad. Today I called them up inquiring about a sub line for Dawn. So this is how my conversation went:

• Fawked: Hi, I would like to inquire about a sub line.
• Maxis: I will need some verification sir. What’s your name?
• Fawked: Mr. John
• Maxis: IC number?
• Fawked: X5XXX-XX-XXXX
• Maxis: Billing address?
• Fawked: Number 42 Jalan… What’s our damn address?
• Brother: It’s 42 Jalan 3 Taman Cheras stupid idiot.
• Fawked: 42 Jalan 3 Taman Cheras
• Maxis: Ok… Thanks for the verification sir.
• Fawked: If I want to register a sub line do I need to go to a Maxis centre personally?
• Maxis: Yes sir.
• Fawked: What if I send my son there is it alright?
• Maxis: You can’t sir, they will reject your application. You must go personally.
• Fawked: Oh ok… The problem is my son is using the number.
• Maxis: You still need to come for verification purposes sir.
• Fawked: Ok. Then can I convert a pre-paid number to a sub line?
• Maxis: Yes you can sir.
• Fawked: The owner of the pre-paid have to go to the Maxis centre as well?
• Maxis: Yes sir, there they will give a new sim card.
• Fawked: So I have to go to the Maxis centre with my girlfriend to get a sub line? Is there no other way?
• Maxis: Your girlfriend sir?
• Fawked: Err I meant my daughter.
• Maxis: I’m sorry sir but you and your daughter have to go to the Maxis centre to register the sub line and get a new sim card.

A little over an hour ago I was having dinner with my mom and the rest of the family. So mom wanted to tell us something that somebody had said earlier in the day. The conversation:

• Mom: … then he said “Where you go to get an Eff Yew See Kay?”
• Fawked: Why can’t you just say the word? FUCK!
• Mom: It’s not a nice word.
• Fawked: What’s wrong with FUCK? It’s not like if you spell it some people on the table won’t understand?
• Brother: Hahaha
• Fawked: Fuck…
• Mom: Stop it.
• Fawked: Oh fuck, alright.

Those at the table were at least the age of 24 or over. No underage kids were harmed in the making of the conversation.

The papers are buzzing about Andy Lau being in Malaysia. And everybody is speculating if his girlfriend or wife or mistress is Malaysian. What’s with the hype? I don’t really see the big deal. Who gives a fuck if his lover is Malaysian? Well at least I know I don’t give a rats ass. I remember a paper saying:

… the boy, believed to be his son looked so much like Andy Lau

I almost laughed my fucking ass off. There was a picture of a Chinese kid wearing a surgical mask because he was afraid to get H1N1. If Andy was here I bet he was wearing a mask too, so maybe that confused the reporters that they looked alike. How can you possibly tell if a person looked alike when he’s wearing a mask? Based on his eyes? Then he would look  like the other 2 billion Chinese on the planet.

Dawn and I were taking lunch when Dawn read about the news and we had this conversation:

Dawn: Hey Andy Lau is in Malaysia!

Fawked: So?

Dawn: So I want to know if he’s really here. His wife is Malaysian you know.

Fawked: So?

Dawn: He came for a funeral.

Fawked: Who died?

Dawn: His dad died, it’s sad.

Fawked: Why is his dad in Malaysia?

Dawn: Don’t know.

Fawked: I think it was his lover’s dad.

Dawn: Can’t be, it’s his dad Mr. Chu.

Fawked: Can’t be his dad, it’s her dad.

Dawn: No it’s not!

Fawked: If it was his dad, then his name would be Andy Chu Tak Wah and not Andy LAU.

So yesterday I went out with Dawn and finally after 2 months we caught Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. Rotten Tomatoes rated it at 19%. Nineteen fucking percent. Can you believe that?

When Rotten Tomatoes rates a movie lower than 60% you know its absolutely shit. I was a little bit worried. 19% would have to be way below horrible. But some movies you just have to watch it even if its shit, you get what I mean? Movies like the Matrix, Pirates of the Caribbean and Star Wars. It’s crap, but you have to watch it. You just have to. Then there are really bad movies like Titanic that we should skip.

I actually enjoyed Transformers 2. The story line was crappy as usual but the graphics and Megan Fox was exceptionally hot. That was why Dawn wanted to watch Transformers 2 anyway, because of Megan Fox.

One really big disappointment was the sound that we all grew up with when the Transformers change from robot to vehicle was either too soft or none at all. It’s not Transformers if you don’t have the sound! Every time they transformed I had to make the sound in my head or else it would be like watching Voltron or something.

That’s Voltron. I used to watch that shit when I was a kid. As I’m typing this, I just realized how much it fucking sucks.

Before the movie we went for lunch at Jaya Jusco because Dawn wanted to eat asam laksa. Let me repeat; Dawn wanted to eat asam laksa. I wanted to eat the nasi lemak with curry chicken. Our conversation:

Dawn: Why my asam laksa no fish?

Fawked: Don’t know…

Dawn: Really no fish one woh.

Fawked: Ok

Dawn: Not nice already, next time don’t want to eat.

Fawked: Ok (eating even quicker now, I know what’s coming)

Dawn: How’s your nasi lemak?

Fawked: It’s ok. Errr it’s really not that good.

Dawn: Really?

Fawked: Really really.

Dawn: My asam laksa is too spicy and not nice.

Fawked: Would you like to exchange?

Dawn: Ok!

So basically I almost ate a whole plate of nasi lemak then Dawn stole my nasi lemak and the whole piece of chicken and gave me an almost full bowl of asam laksa. No wonder people keep telling me that I put on weight. Anyway, my point is I’m fucking stuffed ok?

After lunch we walked around and there was this Coke counter at the MPH entrance hall. And they were giving out free coke. Before you read the conversation, a little information: Dawn does not like to drink soft drinks.

Dawn: Free Coke!

Fawked: I’m too full.

Dawn: But it’s free! Lets take 2 cans.

Fawked: Can you drink? I’m too full.

Dawn: Sure!

Fawked: Take 1 can enough.

Dawn: Ok.

I was so busy looking at all the freeloaders take the free can of Coke I didn’t even notice why they were giving out free Cokes for. For some reason the Coke tasted a little bit weird. But maybe I was just a little paranoid because it was free. Every time Dawn took a sip of Coke we had this conversation:

Dawn: Look! My eyes are tearing up! The gas making my eye tear.

After 2 sips of Coke and with teary eyes she said:

Dawn: I can’t drink already, very full. Nah you drink la.

For the next hour I was so bloated I felt like I was going to explode. We had about an hour and a half before the movie started so we went to Borders to look at some books. I bought 3 books by Jeffrey Archer and the titles are:

A continuation from The Prodigal Daughter. Can’t really tell you what it is about because if you have not read the Prodigal Daughter, the synopsis contains spoilers. But if you want to know the spoiler click below:

← SHOW SPOILER →

Florentyna Kane became president and Shall We Tell The President is about assassins trying to assassinate her.

About Saddam Hussein planning a revenge so diabolical that the United States will be left with no choice but to retaliate.

About 2 twins parted at birth and are selected later in life to stand against each other for the governor of the state.

After that Transformers 2 we went for dinner at Zan Mai. As usual Zan Mai was packed and we had to line up and waited for about 30 minutes before we got a seat. After dinner I went to buy some mouth wash. I prefer Listerine but Dawn says Oral-B is better because it does not contain alcohol. I prefer Listerine cause it hurts like a bitch. If it hurts that much, it can’t be good for the germs right? Conversation:

Dawn: Get Oral-B it’s better.

Fawked: But I prefer Listerine, it’s stronger.

Dawn: Thing’s that aren’t good are always stronger.

Fawked: Huh? I’m confused.

Dawn: Ya like ecstasy.

Fawked: WTF? What has ecstasy got to do with Listerine?

Dawn: My point is bad stuff work fast.

Fawked: Like Ecstasy?!