Fawked Network

Today while I was reading the Star I came across an article. You can read the online article here http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2009/11/22/lifefocus/5133709&sec=lifefocus. Long story short the writer hopes that we put ourselves in the thief’s shoes.

I can tell you I don’t have to put myself in his shoes because I am in his shoes right now. And I know this guy, lets call him AkuPening, who is in BOTH his mother fucking shoes. We’re out of a job right now and like everybody else we have bills to pay. I’m not married and I don’t have kids. AkuPening has 2 kids and an entire family to feed. On top of that we’re getting fucked by the system. How we’re getting fucked by the system, well that’s another story for another day. That story would be appropriate if AkuPening told it.

Even though we’re using his fucking shoes right now, it doesn’t mean we will walk his walk, again. The key word here is AGAIN. Oh yes, we are a fucked up bunch. If we’re up to no good, we will fuck you up. How fucked up are we? That is a story that we will probably never tell.

So I say this, no matter how fucked up a person is or how desperate a person is crime is not the answer. Minor or not, crime is crime. Two rights out of three does not make a criminal innocent. Everybody has problems, what makes a persons problem bigger than the other persons? I don’t have a high salary job because I didn’t study hard enough in school. I don’t have a job right now cause I’m a lazy fuck. Who can I blame if not myself? Sure I could go out on a reign of terror. In a day we can a thousand or even two thousand preying on women and old people. Work only three days a month and it pays better than a real job.

We don’t give a fuck, we’re ruthless. We’ll even fuck kids up. Check out this conversation I had with Clitoris Clinton, he was 15 when he got mugged. I’m a firm believer that if I’m to be bad, I will be bad to the bone. No point being half bad. Have you ever met a robber that will only take 100 bucks from you and return you the balance? And maybe say something like “I just need 100 bucks so my kid can see the doctor cause he’s sick. I’m really sorry ok, here is your watch, hand phone and balance of the money”. You won’t see a thief robbing the drugs from a drug bust from the evidence room with guns a blazing. He know he gonna get fucked.

I’m just saying this from my stand point of view. If I were bad, I would be really bad. You can almost expect the same from almost every robber or snatch theif. There various organizations and bodies and shit to help people in need of help. Criminal activities is not one of them. In times of trouble maybe that snatch theft should have turned to religion instead. I’m sure if he was part of a religious group there will be people willing to help him. Whether he is a Muslim, Christian or Buddhist or whatever.

An interesting question would be, what would happen if the lady (that killed the snatch theft) lost control of her car, crashed into a wall and killed herself instead? I’m willing to bet the RM2.50 I have right now that he would escape scot free. Snatch theft is the ideal occupation for “I need money to feed my family cause I lost my job” because its easy money and its easy to escape. How many cases were reported and how many were solved? How do you catch a guy that’s wearing a full face helmet with fake license plates? We don’t live in Gotham City, Batman is not on the building above us ready to swoop down and kick his ass.

It was unfortunate that he was killed. It will be even more unfortunate if she is charged with homicide. You read a lot of news nowadays about the police shooting robbers dead and shit. People say our cops are trigger happy. But ask any criminal, once they go down that path they are ready to get fucked one way or another. If they wanted a safe job, they would have got themselves a desk job.

If I get fucked doing something bad, serves me right. Whoever that gets fucked doing something bad, serves them right. Criminals just have to suck it up and take it like a man, just like all the silent victims out there. Too bad if the people feel that the death of the snatch theft was but a small victory in the game of Snatch Theft versus Defenceless Citizens. Snatch Theft is an act of cowardice, a scourge that plagues our streets.

Today while taking my lunch I was reading the newspaper and this one article caught my eye. You can read the whole article here at thestar.com.my. Long story short, its about a lady that rammed and killed a snatch theft. He basically tricked her into believing that she had knocked his motorcycle. When she didn’t have much cash to “compensate” him, he snatched her bag and zoomed away. She got into her car, chased him into a dead end alley, rammed him and killed him. It was alleged that she couldn’t control her car when he stopped his bike so I don’t know if she intended to kill him. But what pisses me off is, the case has been classified as culpable homicide. If she’s found guilty she will be looking at a maximum of 20 years.

Snatch theft is such a fucking huge and rampant problem in Malaysia, you either were a victim or knew a victim personally. For me personally, I know 4 victims. One of the victims is my mother. One got her pouch snatched and another lost his car. If that’s not enough, I myself almost became a victim twice and my mom almost became a victim a second time. The worst would have to be a friend of a friend, he tried to run and they slashed him. He didn’t die by the way, they forgot to sharpen their knifes so all he got were bruises. That is how fucked up the world has become.

Snatch thefts don’t always snatch. Sometimes they ride up to you in their motorcycle and pull out a knife and demand you hand over all your shit to them. Sometimes they take your car too. Unless you lose something important like your IC or driving license, most people aren’t going to report these cases. Because there is no fucking point. They cannot be caught. They cannot be caught because they have fake license plates on their motorcycles and they wear helmets so you cant see their fucking face. So how do we protect ourselves from these bastards? The answer is you can’t. Let me tell you why.

These bastards come at you when you come home at night or at a time when there are nobody around. They have the element of surprise and obviously armed and maybe dangerous. It pisses me off that prey on unarmed and harmless people. So I decided to make it fair. After I almost became a victim the first time, I started keeping weapons in my car. I escaped the first time cause I saw them coming and I jumped right back into my car and locked the door. If they decided to break my windows or something I was ready to ram and kill the mother fuckers.

I have the utmost hatred for snatch thefts. But by law if you kill an intruder or anybody that is outside your house you can be charged with homicide or murder or whatever. It doesn’t matter if he tried to hurt you first.

People say how cruel and heartless I am. People say that the guy has a family and probably kids. I say fuck that. You choose your own career and you get what you deserve. People say a hand bag, some cash and a mobile phone is not worth taking another persons life. True, but obviously you have not experienced this before. The fear every time you walk alone or get out of your car is tremendous, the fear that somebody might smash your windscreen and snatch your shit at the traffic light. You will always live your life looking over your shoulder, every time you hear a motorcycle nearby your heart starts pounding.

The second time I almost got robbed I was with a friend. The thief pulled out a pocket knife but we had 2 blades. He was outnumbered either way. He fucking ran away. I guess he wasn’t prepared to loose more than his time for a couple of bucks. We were ready to go to jail for killing him. We got our wish though. We didn’t get to kill him but instead a couple of days later we got stopped at a road block and got sent to lockup for 2 nights for carrying dangerous weapons. Apparently its wrong to carry a blade longer than 2cm or something. We were driving around with two 16 inch machetes.

So now I can only carry a baseball bat. Even that I don’t know if its legal. So how can we protect ourselves? The answer is we can’t. You just have to be extra cautious. A very good thing to have with you at all times is a pepper spray. Pepper spray is not a silly thing that girls use to ward of rapist and perverts ok. You will know what I mean if you got shot in the face with pepper spray before.

Once, I got shot at the side of my face with pepper spray and I can tell you in that picture above, that guy is not a happy Mexican. I got shot somewhere on the side of my neck. I practically couldn’t open my eyes and I was coughing and choking. It is the second worse thing to have happened to me after getting stung by 2 jellyfish simultaneously.

As demonstrated in the above police training video you can see how devastating pepper spray is. You might want to practice shooting your little brother in the eyes so you don’t get it wrong.

Pepper spray is the way to go, he wants your phone? Take your pepper spray out and give him a shot. He’s gonna be in so much pain and blinded by the pepper spray he’s going to swing his knife wildly hoping to kill a blind man probably. So stay back, walk back to your car and get your baseball bat. Then bash the fuck out of him. Don’t worry if he has kids, you wouldn’t want them growing up with a snatch theft in the house anyway.

I would also suggest legalizing guns. Sure, firearm crime will go up a little but at least it will be fair right? Imagine shooting back at a snatch theft. If we could arm ourselves properly we wouldn’t have to fall victim to these assholes.

My company tried to apply a gun license for me once upon a time. The guy that was going to arrange it wanted eighty grand under table money. Eighty fucking grand? Are you fucking nuts? I wanted a gun to protect the company money I was carrying from the people that wanted to steal it. But here is a guy trying to rob me of my eighty grand. That’s another story for another time.

Let’s just recap. The next time a robber tries you rob you, you should give him all your shit. Because if you hit him and he dies you get fucked by the law. If you make a police report you get fucked by the cop. This is what the cop will tell you (this is a real conversation by the way):

Cop: Just report you lost your wallet then you can use that report to get back your prepaid mobile number from the telco.

Victim: But I want to make a report so the police can try and catch him.

Cop: Look, if we make a report we are going to be here for 2 hours. He is using a fake number plate so we can’t catch him. Just report that you lost it and you will be gone in 10 minutes. Ok?

That is a fucking true conversation I had with the cops when one of my friend got her shit snatched. I couldn’t fucking believe it. That was a few years back when snatch theft was just beginning to be a scourge. In the police station there was a huge signboard that said something like “lets stop snatch thefts” or something like that. I also just want to say that not all cops are bad. Only most of them are. There are some good ones. We are on the losing end of this battle. Either way we will get fucked.

But the next time a snatch theft comes along and tries to rob me, I would take my chances with him. If he’s lucky he will get my shit. If he’s not, like how Russell Peters says it best, “somebody gonna get a hurt real bad”.