Everything that I read concerning football are on Rooney and his sudden change of heart and signing a five year contract with Manchester United. Not only did a few people sigh a sigh of relieve at his commitment to the club, there were also a few disappointed people especially those that wanted me to eat half the Australian populations underwear. That was when Robbie Fowler, a former Liverpool player, said he gave Rooney a call and Rooney was interested in joining him at Perth Glory. Yes, this is the same Fowler that scored a goal once and went to the side lines and pretended to snort the white line as if it was cocaine.

Only until a little while ago did I notice how much of a genius SAF is. What’s bigger news than Rooney fucking a prostitute? The answer would be Rooney leaving Manchester United. What could be bigger news than that? Rooney going to Manchester City of course, but then Manchester United would look like a dumb fuck and not benefit from that. Instead I believe his incredible “turn around” and signing a five year contract with Manchester United is all part of a very clever ploy to divert attention from Rooney the Hooker Fucker to Rooney Leaving Manchester United to Rooney Signs 5 Year Contract. Perfectly executed.

Personally I don’t trust that cunt anymore, but apart of me also feels glad he signed a contract. I’m glad because if we wanted to sell him now, we could for a higher price. I’m also a little glad considering next month Football Manager 2011 is coming out and it would suck to play as Manchester United without at least a master class footballer considering we don’t have Ronaldo anymore.

In difficult times, desperate measures are needed and this is a fantastic move. I cannot stop praising SAF enough. I could be wrong but you definitely cannot deny that this conspiracy could be a possibility. Rooney may look tough but I personally think he’s a dumb cunt and a pussy. A master class footballer no doubt but not a very smart person. Who the fuck would marry their high school sweetheart, have a kid and go fuck prostitutes? Ok, maybe the prostitute was hot, but a granny prostitute? I believe Rooney is a puppet in this whole “want to sign for Manchester City” story.

It all seems a little bit too coincidental that the Glazers assured Rooney that SAF would have a hundred million to spend on transfers. It is no secret that Manchester United is in a whole world of shit right now with debts amounting to 750 million pounds. Us fans are pissed we are spending money on unknown players and not buying class players. Of course those youngsters may turn out to be 80 million pound assets in the future but we cannot deny the fact that we suck at the moment. Many will think if the Glazer’s “assurance” of a 100 million transfer kitty is good enough for Rooney to sign a 5 year contract, it should be good enough for them as well. I’m telling you right now, don’t get cheated by the Glazers. Where the fuck are they going to get that 100 million from? They could try pulling it out of their ass, but the shit will only add to the more shit we have right now.

Again, great move SAF. If only you conjure a spell to make those fucking Glazers disappear and replace them with a billionaire.

We have been hearing a lot of news recently about Rooney and Sir Alex Ferguson’s (SAF) rift, but never did I think for a second that Rooney would leave the great Manchester United. Last night SAF confirmed that Rooney is “adamant” on leaving. I was shocked. So shocked I found it hard to sleep. So shocked I had dreams of punching Rooney in the fucking face.

Rumor has it that Rooney is leaving because of the money. And the most likely destination is Manchester City. For some, especially me, I hate Manchester City more than I hate Liverpool, for now anyway. Liverpool is so far below in the league, they can almost taste the bird shit.

Personally I hate unloyal people. Rooney leaving Manchester United is shocking. But we will get over it. I have. If a player wants to leave for more money, let him leave. Rooney probably wants more money to fund his granny whore fucking lifestyle.

So many things I want to say to vent out this anger but I am lost for words. Words cannot really describe my feelings. But if I was in England, I would hunt him down and fuck him up. Not for leaving the great Manchester United, but for being a fucking cunt.

The boy has serious loyalty issues. He cheated on his wife with hookers and he’s cheated the club that made him who he was. He was great at Man Utd because we made him good. Without the club, he is nothing.

The crown for the English Premier League is coming down to the wire. There are only 2 games left and only 1 out of 2 possible winners; the greatest club in the world Manchester United or cash-cow-club-that-could-only-win-since-they-spent-a-billion-pounds-on-players Chelsea.

This season could very well be the most interesting yet. Even those that don’t follow the EPL must’ve heard people talking about who’s gonna win it this year. So for the benefit of the those that are interested to know what is going on, here is a quick run down.

The English Premier League is, well, a league. They play a total of 38 games from July to May the following year, then they take the whole of June off and start the new league in July again. When a team wins a game, they get 3 points. If teams draw they get a point. If a team loses, they get no points. Simple right?

Take a look at the above league table. Below is a legend of what each and every column means:

P = games played

W = games won

D = games drawn

L = games lost

GS = goals scored

GA = goals against or how many goals conceded

GD = goal difference (GS minus GA)

Pts = total points accumulated

As you can see the title race for number one is between Chelsea and Manchester United. There’s only 1 point separating Chelsea from Manchester United and there are 2 more games to be played with a total of 6 points up for grabs. If Chelsea wins their remaining 2 games, they will win the title. If Manchester United have any hope of winning the title for a record breaking 4th consecutive title and a total of 19 league wins, we need Chelsea to at least either draw or lose one of their games. That is also assuming Manchester United must win their last 2 games.

This is where it gets really interesting. Manchester United have won 18 league titles to date, sharing the record with Liverpool who has also won the league 18 times. If Manchester United win this year, they would be the best English Premier League club with 19 league titles on record, however, that’s not to say Manchester United isn’t already the best in the world. Chelsea is quite insignificant in this, they just started winning a few years back when some rich Russian pimp bought over the club and started pumping in hundreds of millions to buy players. So the question remains,

Will Liverpool lose on purpose to Chelsea?

Tomorrow at 8.30 GMT+8 Liverpool is playing against Chelsea at Liverpool’s home ground Anfield. Then at 10.30 GMT+8 Manchester United will take on Sunderland at the Stadium of Lights (Sunderland’s home ground). There are mixed reactions as to whether Liverpool will lose the game on purpose. Some say Liverpool will and should lose the game so Manchester United won’t go one up to 19 league titles. Also considering the fact that Liverpool and Manchester United are fierce rivals, there are no love or favours between the two.

The conspiracy gets better, Liverpool have recently appointed Martin Broughton as chairman of Liverpool. Martin Broughton is a season ticket holder and a huge fan of Chelsea. So we wonder…

If you take a look again at the league table above, you will notice that number 1 to number 4 is in green, 5 to 7 is in grey then 8 to 17 is in white and 18 to 20 is in pink. Here is what it means…

1 to 4 = able to play in Champions League

5 to 7 = able to play in the Europa League

8 to 17 = mid table, nothing interesting there

18 to 20 = teams that will get relegated to the bottom division next season

Champions League is the most prestigious club in Europe because only the top 4 teams in Europe leagues get to play in it. That’s the league where you get to see the likes of Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal, Real Madrid, Barcelona, Inter Milan and AC Milan to name a few, play against each other. Why is the Champions League important? Bragging rights and money from TV revenues and sponsorship of course.

Then you have the Europa League. The winner gets revenue from TV and sponsorships and bragging rights to being the best of the worst in Europe. It’s not much but still better than ending up with nothing right?

So if you look at the table above, Liverpool is fighting for an Europa League spot with Everton. The title race is too tight this year. Chelsea, Manchester United and Arsenal would be looking to strengthen their teams for next season. With Liverpool out of the Champions League for next season, they are sure to lose a few of their key players that will want to play in the Champions League. So I doubt Liverpool can even challenge for the EPL next season. Their best bet would be to try for the Europa League, FA cup and the Mickey Mouse cup. So the question again…

Will Liverpool lose on purpose to Chelsea?

The question remains to be seen tomorrow. On one hand it seems like Liverpool has nothing to play for but on the other hand it seems like they have everything to play for. Either way, the pride of the club is at stake and almost certainly fucked whatever the outcome. All this said and done, the mother of all question still remains… is Liverpool even good enough to beat or at least draw with Chelsea?

The biggest question in the football world right now is why was Nani and Evra puking yesterday during the game with Tottenham. If you watched the game you would have noticed that Evra puked first. It’s weird cause when he puked he only puked water. Don’t they eat anything before games? I guess not. If I was puking I would have puked a cheese burger or something.

Anyway a reliable source from Old Trafford gave me the scoop on what happened. Read on and find out what actually happened.

Note: Before you read the spoiler at the bottom you have to watch this entry first or you won’t understand.

About 3 hours ago, the most talked about and most hyped up derby game in the EPL just ended. The game was between Manchester United and Manchester City. United happened to be the best team in the world and City happened to be some team in Manchester.

Manchester United sold Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid and lost Carlos Tevez whom coincidentally joined Manchester City this season. While United lost good players, City spent about 200 million strengthening their squad.

After spending so much money buying 9 strikers, they forgot to save some money. City should have saved some money and bought themselves a clue. Obviously City has no clue how to beat United. The whole of second half was played on City’s half.

The end result was 4-3 in favour of United of course. The winning goal was scored by Michael Owen. I don’t really have anything to say about that except that I hope he scores more winning goals because Berbatov is a real dumb shit.

There was a star among the audience and after the game Mark Hughes was so disappointed he put on a disguise and escaped with the star. He tried to hide but I saw him!

← SHOW SPOILER →

Kanye West at the post game media conference grabs the mic and goes:

“Hey Mark Hughes, I’m really sorry for you and imma let you finish… BUT MANCHESTER UNITED HAD THE BEST GAME OF ALL TIME!”