Fawked Network

Canoeing with Sammi sucks. We went to Langkawi back in 1999. We were going to stay and celebrate Y2K there. There were rumors going around that computers were going to go nuts and planes going to crash, zombies roaming free, nuclear warheads flying around so we decided that being on an island would be the safest.

I can’t really recall what day we went canoeing but it wasn’t pleasant. For those of you that have not tried canoeing before, it is not as easy as you think it is. Of course me being a smart ass, thought how hard could it be? I just have to move my hands. I use my hands everyday for various activities anyway…

We rented this 2 seater canoe and decided that I should sit in front and Sammi behind; for balancing and aerodynamic purposes. I will explain a little bit on canoeing. When you paddle you have to paddle in sequence or else your canoe will only turn in circles and not move forward. Being that the idiots that we are we rocked the canoe so much it over turned like 500 times. When the canoe overturns water gets in the canoe and you have to carry it up upside down to allow the water to flow out.

Now, a little bit about Langkawi. It’s a duty free island. Smokes and booze are cheaper than water and oxygen. So here we have 2 heavily smoked drunk idiots thinking we were canoeing world champions. After 10 minutes of paddling faster than jet skis we had this conversation:

Fawked: canoeing is not easy

Sammi: no shit man

Fawked: at least we’re moving forward

Sammi: yea we are, hey catch up with the babes

Fawked: paddle faster than

**we were quite far out and I turned back to look and…

Fawked: HEY ASSHOLE WHY AREN’T YOU PADDLING

Sammi: I am

Fawked: no you weren’t!

Sammi: YES I WAS

Fawked: YOU LYING PIECE OF SHIT!

Sammi: YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?!

After that we got into a little fight and we flipped the canoe for the 501th time. Canoeing is not easy, especially in the hot sun and while you’re suffering from a bad hangover. It Would be cool if you had a hot chick partner. You could canoe out into the ocean then purposely flip the canoe then go on a "rescue" mission.

I, Adrian Fawk am an agent of the Fat Boy Investigation (FBI) for Sudden Attack Death (SAD). This SAD syndrome is not uncommon to gamers. The nature of this death is complex and it is still unsolved in the X-Files. My report so far:

The deceased Mr. Sammi or hereby known as Specimen A checked into a cyber cafe at around 6pm on a Saturday evening. His day was like every other day, he went to Colony Zone, killed a few orcs and got killed a few times. The time of estimated death was about 4am. Roughly about 3am Minion aka Kaith_Kit died 3 times to Dark Mare and the following conversation ensued:

Sammi: NOOB KIT

Minion: MEH HAI LEI GEH, LAG DOU HAI KAM

Sammi: hahah, you no skill, I am the god of escape.

Minion: lancau, you don’t die, you die I sure laugh 9 you

Fawked: hehe, noob kit

Aura: hehe, kit noob hai

Drak3n: I love teh cock!

Nazu: im hungry mafaga

NuLL: omg, I’m getting an erection!

A few minutes after Minion died the 3rd time there was a 3 second lag spike and the following shoutings in the cyber cafe could be heard:

Sammi: LAG MAHAI

Fawked: Extreme Net sucks

Minion: MAHAI I DIE AGAIN?

Aura: mahai, K1’s girlfriend damn hot, make me steam only

Nazu: IM HUNGRY MAHAI

Mike (playing dota): DONT RUN MAFAGA, I GOT YOU. COME ON MY SON, I’M GONNA KILL YOU HAHAHHAHAHAHA, COME ON HOMES!

Clinton: ???

Fawk: ???

Nazu: ???

Fawked: Mike TENG TIT LEI MY HOMES!

Nazu: wahahahahah

Clinton: wahahahaha, my homes wei

Precisely after the lag this was what happened:

Minion: HAHAHAHAH SAMMI DOWN

Aura: Hahaha

Minion: SKILL LANCAU SKILL HAHAHAHA

Nazu: IM HUNGRY MAGAHAI!

Fawked: Sammi sleeping?

Minion: I think he died

Aura: no pulse man

Nazu: no tiu him, lets go eat

Minion: why he die?

Aura: i think he heart attack after he died in the game

The concludes my report on SAD.